Updated: May 3, 2020
What is going to happen after the lockdown is lifted?
What are we really waiting for? Are we expecting some changes and if yes, what? Or are we thinking that all goes back to how it was before? To what we call normal.
I have started to think these days. As more and more countries are loosing up the restrains and more and more people are talking about going back to work, to school or starting to take classes; I wonder, do I really want everything to go back to how it was before? Is that even possible to return to that state and point?
If I imagine this return to `normal` as if someone would turn a switch up and down, I get a nauseous feel. My mind has hard time to picture what normal was and how it can be it again. After we have been through so much, we all have experienced some things the same and other things totally different. For some of us it was a challenge to stay put and keep physical distance, for some of us this was a fresh breeze and pleasure to turn inwards and finally do all the things we never had the time for.
I became more productive than ever with my thinking and reorganizing my future. I came to realizations which I have never thought of giving birth to. I have days packed with various and many activities, yet I physically move within the smallest circle I have ever stayed within, for such a stretched time. I am discovering so much, sensing all the little things and feel tuned to the vibrations of the very few people I still share the same rooms with.
I have never been so deeply introverted and I have been an introvert in my whole life. This version is different. It is showing me a new dept and a way to stay bond yet totally keep living from the inside out.
I don’t give much importance to fluent and constant communication, not with words and not through social gatherings. The words which matter are said and messages are passed on but there is no small talk, no silence-fillers, no let me make myself a bit more connected and integrated chit chat. There is no juice. Just the essence. And I am loving it.
Do we really need to go back to how it was before? Is that even possible, after we have evolved towards the realest self?
I am so very grateful to be isolated in a place where I can still move around a bit and get some fresh air, walks and sport around the house. Where water and food is available and we can feel safe. I stayed in close touch with all my loved ones and we are all keeping sane and healthy. Now, do not think that we are sharing the same place and staying in together. We are on totally different sides of the Globe yet we are in contact and making each other strong and a little happier every day.
I feel comfortable in this state. I feel that we are getting to our best self's during this battling times. We are reaching down to levels within ourselves where we have not had the time and conscious focus to get to. We are meeting ourselves, maybe some of us, for the first time. We have conversations and monologues within and figuring out trades, wants, wishes and desires which we never dared to think about, let it alone to say out loud to ourselves. We are digging and digging and taking time to deal with the most important person which we must live with. Ourselves. It is a brilliant struggle, and at this point, I wish that it continues till this state reached most of humanity. It is a chance to move towards a thoughtful and focused society where appreciation, care and fairness flows with no demand of returns. It is a moment when we all voluntarily or automatically shift a bit and eventually get to clear out the high shelves which we have never climbed up to previously - because they should be done only during the spring clean and you need to borrow the neighbor’s ladder… along with other excuses to skip the hard round.
When you spend much time with yourself, you have less influences, so you can’t help but start bending towards your own self. The deep layers start to show and you can learn what are your self-made thoughts, ideas and the direction you wish to walk towards. The noise lessens and the impact gets minimal. The real you scratch the surface and shows up in your face. When I write this, I suddenly have a visual click with a butterfly coming out of the cocoon and then an alien taking shape from a wild animal`s body. Weird, I know. The possibilities are endless if you let your imagination go. But you got my point. We cannot go back to how it was, as you and me, we are no longer the same. We sat in the dark cellars of physical restriction, obeyance and lonely. We have faced the emotions we have never felt before and battled a crisis which was unknown an unimaginable to us all, previously. There is no way back, the bridge burnt. We are walking on. And you better have some plans and stop waiting for all to go back to `normal`.
So, I must admit that when I get some snippets of the news and hear that restrictions will slowly get lifted; I wish that they won’t. I want to stop the time and take some more in this purifying and gracious moment.
I don’t want the switch to be flipped. I don’t want a simple reverse to how it was previously. How about you? Are you keen getting back to `normal`, unchanged?
Photos by Elijah O’Donnell, Miltiadis Fragkidis, Marc Olivier Jodoin, Franck McKenna